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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24439477">Nil</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/skysedge/pseuds/skysedge'>skysedge</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Toaru Kagaku no Railgun | A Certain Scientific Railgun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drabble, F/F, Fluff, Self-Worth Issues, Set after the Level Upper arc</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:07:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,014</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24439477</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/skysedge/pseuds/skysedge</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>She remembers how it felt to have wind spiralling in the palm of her hand. A power just for her, as if she could manifest her heart on the outside. Just like Misaka and her bold, brazen electricity. Just like Kuroko and her cunning teleportation.  </p><p>Just like Uiharu and her quiet dependable warmth.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Saten Ruiko/Uiharu Kazari</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Summer Spinoff</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Nil</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Level Zero. </p><p>Zero. Nil. Nothing. Empty space.  </p><p>The words pulse through Saten’s head every time her shoes hit the pavement, with each beat of her heart. She’s all these things and more, she’s weak and she’s powerless, she’s <em>useless.  </em>And that would be okay, she could handle it, if the people she cared about the most weren’t so exceptional. </p><p>She doesn’t hate them. She <em>doesn’t </em> . Hating them would probably be easier. She loves them so fiercely it hurts. They’re talented, and strong, and brave, and they’re always fighting for the things that matter. Whereas  Saten  can only.... She remembers how it feels to wield a baseball bat. It’s hardly impressive. She’s proud of herself for doing it but can’t help the ache, the bitterness, the longing to be something <em>more. </em> </p><p>She remembers something else, too. She remembers how it felt to have wind spiralling in the palm of her hand. A power just for her. As if she could manifest her heart on the outside. Just like Misaka and her bold, brazen electricity. Just like Kuroko and her cunning teleportation.  </p><p>Just like Uiharu and her quiet dependable warmth.  </p><p>Saten wishes she could be like that, too, like all of them. She wants to give and not just take. She wants to celebrate in their victories because she’s earned it, not as some glorified cheerleader. Working hard isn’t getting her anywhere. Trying to cheat her way to success hadn’t worked either. Some days she thinks she’s doomed to live the rest of her life like this, as a side-character to her own life, just a cheerful smile and a kind word in the background of someone else’s tragedy. </p><p>Level Zero. No room for discussion or bargaining. Level nothing, with no hope for more. </p><p>“Saten-san?” </p><p>Uiharu’s voice brings her back to reality. It’s a Sunday, in the middle of the city, and they’re walking back from an ice cream parlour under the high afternoon sun. Reality is worlds away from the darkness of her thoughts. At her side, Uiharu is peering up into her face, big golden eyes filled with concern. </p><p>“Are you okay?” she asks. “You’ve been spacing out for a while now.” </p><p>Saten looks down to the ice-cream cones held in Uiharu's hands. While she was spacing out, Uiharu was keeping them cool. Hard at work. She’s so good it hurts. Saten forces a laugh and raises her hands in dismissal. </p><p>“Mm, I’m fine!” she insists.  “Sorry, I was just...you know. Lost in my thoughts!” </p><p>For someone so small and sweet, Uiharu can be intimidating. She stares hard at Saten from under her flower headband, as if she can see right through her. It shouldn’t be surprising. Uiharu knows her better than anyone else. Saten’s always been bad at keeping things from her. It’s surprising she managed to keep the Level Upper quiet. </p><p>“What were you thinking about?” Uiharu encourages, and she <em>knows</em>, Saten is sure she does. </p><p>“About...”  </p><p>She could tell Uiharu. And Uiharu would be upset but would tell her that of course she matters, that she’s important, that Uiharu herself is only a Level One anyway. That’s true but Uiharu is so much more than that, she’s smart and talented, she has a dauntless spirit and the kindest heart of all. Uiharu’s brilliance shines softly like a warm spring afternoon. </p><p>Saten has spaced out again. Uiharu hasn’t said anything but she’s smiling and Saten's heart flutters. Uiharu has the most beautiful smile. Just the sight of it comforts her the same as the conversation she imagined might have. Suddenly her own smile is easy to find. </p><p>“I was thinking about how cute you look today!” she says at last. </p><p>“Eh?” </p><p>It’s not a complete lie. In her casual clothes, all soft pastels and flowers, Uiharu looks perfect. She’s blushing already, giving Saten no choice but to continue. </p><p>“Uiharu is a proper <em>lady</em><em>,”  </em>she says, circling around to Uiharu's other side. “I could look at you all day.” </p><p>“R-really?” Uiharu stutters, looking down at herself. “But I just put on something comfy and...” </p><p>“Comfy, eh? Then let’s see what’s under this-” </p><p>Uiharu spins just as Saten reaches for her skirt, raising the ice-creams high to keep them safe. </p><p>“Not in public!” </p><p>As this shriek leaves Uiharu's lips, the both pause. That’s a new one. Now standing still on the street, Saten gathers herself enough to smile. </p><p>“So if it was in private, it would be okay?” she asks. </p><p>Uiharu's eyes widen and she waves the cones around as if wishing she could use her hands to cover her face or fiddle with her hair. Saten feels a little bad for putting her on the spot and is about to change the topic when Uiharu meets her eyes with a determined expression  </p><p>“I mean it’s not like there’s anything I want to hide from you, Saten-san. And you’re always so nice to me, and you make me feel safe, so...” </p><p><em> Safe</em>. Saten remembers the way Uiharu had cried when she had first woken up. How they had held one another so tightly, how Uiharu hadn’t wanted to let her go. Despite her lack of power, despite her weakness, despite her mistakes.  </p><p>Safe. Yeah. She had felt safe with Uiharu in her arms. Treasured. Worth something. </p><p>The soft touch of lips to her cheek break her out of her thoughts. She presses her fingers to the spot, shocked, and looks down to see a pink-cheeked Uiharu watching her. </p><p>“Are you thinking about how c-cute I am again?” she asks bravely. </p><p>Standing there, holding their ice cream to keep it cool until they reach their favourite bench, pretty in pastel and flowers, soft and sweet but brave and strong too, Uiharu is more than cute.  </p><p>Uiharu, Saten thinks, is everything to her.  </p><p>But she won’t say it, not yet, not now. For now she gives Uiharu her brightest smile, hoping the tears gathering in her eyes don’t show. </p><p>“Mmhm! You’re the best, Uiharu.” </p><p>“Shall we go?” </p><p>“Lead the way,” Saten says, and she means it in every way. “And I’ll be right behind you.” </p>
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